Sometimes...things change

Since the last hospital visit, my Dad's ammonia levels have dropped (he has been on Lactulose - 3 times per day).  With the drop in ammonia, he has been more "himself" (is this who he is now?), and is more clear minded than before.  He has been in physical therapy, getting stronger, and has even been taken off the walker while in the house.  He is using his cane while indoors.

The downside is the side effect of the Lactulose.  It is a laxative that "binds" the ammonia, and removes it from his system.  basically, there is not enough time for the ammonia to be absorbed in the colon as a result of this medication.  Unfortunately, he doesn't get to go out much.

So...he requested the doctor lower his medication levels, so he can have more mobility.

She did, dropped his dosage to 1 time per day.

That was about a week ago.

He is starting to show signs of slight confusion again. Just slight...not anything major. 

But we recognize it.

He called my brother by my name.  I know, you might think that is normal.  Normal is relative.
That is not normal for my Dad.  He is a perfectionist.

We have to find the balance - somewhere in the meds and the side effects is hope...I think.

Things change...we have gone from horrible diagnosis to hope to hopeless to hope again, it is getting harder to feel much of anything except simple acceptance of the situation.

The hardest thing about all this, is life has become so busy, so complicated in spite of my Dad's situation.  I sold my house, moved, bought a new house (moved in - we had our LIFE in storage for 2 months), the job is crazy busy, my mother sold her house and also moved - needed help with coordination and getting out of her place, then other members of the family have their own changes - moves, additions, and hopefully happy times - I hope one day they understand I can only stretch so far.

Maybe I was Superman once...Sometimes...Things change...

You turn into Clark Kent and can't remember where you left your cape...

Just when I think I am okay, when I think life is setting down, another piece of this old wagon falls off.  My mother in law had a stroke last week - fortunately, she is still with us.  She is 93 years old, and still hanging in there.  She may recover...

Things change...

If this were a ride at an amusement park, it would have a warning -

"This life is not for the faint of heart...Changes are coming...Some are painful..."

We will be okay.

I don't cry about it anymore, am I stronger?  Maybe the tear factory has shut down.
Not much I can do about it.   I don't know the stages a person goes through in acceptance of hard situations, I did not pay that much attention in my Psychology classes 100 years ago as a freshman in college, but I know this much - I have gone from fighting, to anger, to sadness, to finally accepting it.

Every now and then, I still rise up and say, "what if..." and try something new...

I still hope...