Running...and the darkness is unforgiving

Same old thing...rushed on the weekend...running to take care of everything...something is missing... as usual, that which goes unattended is the thing with the least amount of "squeek." (squeeky wheel gets the grease).

Is it just me, or is time moving faster now?

Sometimes, it is like a dream, one of those where you feel like your feet are planted in mud, in marshmallow, in glue, and you can't move fast enough to do whatever you need...all you can do is watch the slow motion version of life as it runs amok.

You touch a hand as it slips away...

You try to say that thing of value...and your voice fails you...

The sun is setting and we are running with all our might.  We no longer know the path, our sense of direction has failed us, all we can do is hope we were headed right when we started...

Lately, darkness has been arriving earlier, autumn is becoming winter, and soon we will be in the solitude of memories.

I talked with my father yesterday, he struggled to answer me.  The ammonia level is increasing more all the time, he sleeps a lot now.  When he wakes, he no longer tries to tell me he is "ok", now he talks about his dizziness, his confusion, and he just sits quietly...a lot.

I try not to think of inevitable.  I hope for my family to last forever, but I know that is a foolish hope.

I have lost the living and the dead, and the mourning is the same regardless.

Dad, we are increasing the doctor's visits, the tests, the pursuit of your health.
I know this is hard for you.  At some point we may have to accept this as it is, and try to comfort you.

Until that time - I will do what you would do for me - I will not give up.  I will do all within my ability, and more.  I will ask for help when it is beyond me.

I am there now...

This is too big.

My older brother and I talk a lot now.  We were always pretty close, only one year apart in school.  For a short time, we were roommates in college.  Now we try to be strong with each other, but we know our father's name, and we know the voice of our maker.

Sometimes, when we are quiet, we can hear the voice of eternity whisper his name...calling him...inviting him...welcoming him home.

I try to drown out the voice with my own...I am not ready to let go yet.

I am running...and the darkness is unforgiving...