I am sure I am leaving someone out, so unlike the academey awards where some overpaid entertainer gushes on thanking people most of us have never heard of, I try to remember the names and functions of the few heroes that help my father and tell them thank you every chance I get.
Today we find out more about the elevated ammonia levels. He is on medication now, supposedly to reduce the ammonia level (a byproduct of protein digestion). According to the information I heard from the doctors and my own personal research, a level of 35 - 65 is normal. When the level is in the 90's, a liver transplant is recommended.
His first test was 186.
His second test was over 200.
The test after the medications was 320.
It does not appear anything is helping.
Have you ever felt helpless, standing by a loved one's side...while they fought the battle of their life? I did the right stuff...so it is all supposed to work out, right?
I guess sometimes it is not our call.
I don't know I have ever seen my Dad this weak, this frail, this feeble.
I know in his heart, he is still the same healthy old Army Sarge, the anchor of so many lives. He could run with the wind, had muscles on muscles, was a superman to us, his family. He stood tall in that uniform, whether in a dress uniform or his combat boots and jungle greens, there was no mistaking him as a man's man.
I remember getting a whack on the back of the head when I did not put my hand over my heart during the National Anthem, I remember him being unafraid to walk onto a basketball court or a football sideline and "rip me a new one" when he saw me being disrespectful to my coach or the other team. He did not allow us to do anything that would bring shame on the family or our heritage as Americans (most of this was in Germany).
I remember him standing so strong, he could be intimidating to my friends. But I also remember waking him when I was scared, when I needed him, and he never hesitated to be there, to be what was needed, when it was needed.
He never asked for thanks.
He just did the right thing.
He did not sit us down, and teach us what to do; he did not say to us, "You boys (he still calls us boys) need to hold a job, and take care of your family." But we knew what to do.
When my children were younger, I worked...I worked...and I worked...sometimes there was so much more than I could ever do. But I worked...as an hourly civil design technician, OT made the difference. Sometimes, I felt like I was the only person left in the world awake, running design applications at 3 am Sunday morning, trying to find the "hole" in the design...and it paid off. Not only did I complete the project(s), but I completed my night school education, and ended up working for the company that created the design apps.
I never thought all those things would come out of working extra, all I knew was I had to take care of things, and this was an opportunity. This was no different than what my Dad would do.
He never told me what to do, he just did it.
When my older brother, one of the most educated men I know, was laid off 2 months ago from his job, he never complained. He just did whatever it took. For 2 months he worked as a custodian at a school while he looked for a job. We learned a long time ago...
There is no shame in doing whatever it takes.
There is a glory that comes afterwards, when the dreams begin to materialize and we know, in our heart of hearts, that we did the right thing.
My brother made it through the rough times, life is getting better as he starts his new job in two days.
We try not to tell my Dad the things that would upset him, we just let him see us, his boys, do the right thing.
I remember when we were children, wearing Daddy's combat boots, struggling to take big steps, and my Dad laughing at our silly antics. Sometimes he would throw his hat or his helmet on our heads and there we were, little boys in a man's combat gear, trying to be like Daddy.
The boots fit better now, the helmet is snug, the flak vest is the right size, and here we stand, no longer little boys playing in Daddy's gear, but men...fighting the fight, continuing his legacy.
Just doing the right thing...
Rest easy Dad, your little boys grew up and are here for you.
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