Almost Normal

My father had another short stay in the hospital, he came home today.

His ammonia level went from 324 to 100 to 57 to 87, and since it is lower, and hopefully staying lower (new meds...how long will they work?), he was released.

The doctor said she believes he has encephalopathy from the cirrhosis, she said this may be his new "benchmark."

We talk a lot, most conversations take 2 to 3 times longer than normal, he really has a hard time sometimes finding the words.  I have stopped filling in the blanks for him.  I just let him work with it as long as he wants to.

Not much to say today...it is Saturday...

I wonder how long before the next trip to the hospital...

For some reason I can't get this one picture of my father out of my head.  It was the night before he went to VietNam, we were already asleep, and my Dad, being the stereo buff he has always been, had his headphones on, and was listening to music.  He was facing the wall, had his chin resting in one hand.  I don't think he knew my mother took the picture...she caught him in one of the few moments when tears were visible...

I always wondered what he was thinking...

In 1970, after he returned from VietNam, he had his first issue with his liver.  He was hospitalized for 64 days, his liver was enlarged almost 3 times the normal size.  He was in incredible pain, and nothing seemed to help.  We never knew it then, but now he said he thinks this is from exposure to Agent Orange or worse.

While in the hospital, he had a liver biopsy, and was supposed to stay very still to avoid internal bleeding.

Being the stubborn man he is, he got up to go to the bathroom.

He felt himself passing out, and the staff found him on the floor in the bathroom, and of course - he was bleeding internally.

He told us he thought he was dying, and the thought in his mind was one of complete confidence he was entering eternity the right way.  No fear.

Wow.

That confidence, that faith, is hard to find.

That was almost 40 years ago.

His faith is stronger, although his belief in himself is weaker.

He knows the God that created the universe is with him and keeps him safe, but he said sometimes he feels like he has failed.  He never became a rich man, or a powerful man, his sons have struggled, he felt his impact was miniscule.

What a lie.

His love of math and science is in his 3 sons, one in engineering, another in construction, and another with medical.  His pursuit of his faith - all 3 sons and families share his faith.  His love of travel, of history, has also been passed on.

His kind, gentle spirit, is within us.  I remember flying one of my many trips from somewhere home, and I always sat next to someone that needed encouragement.  The two  I remember most is the lady flying to Texas to visit her son on death row.  What do you say?  All I could think of was to share the good news, to encourage HER, to be a Christian at THAT MOMENT, and listen to her.

The other was a man that had just found out his wife had cancer.

I shared my own experience with my wife and her battle.

In both times, I told them both the story of how in my hardest time in life, how I read Isaiah 43:1 and realized we are not alone.

It was hard to listen to someone's sad story.  It was harder to relive mine, and encourage them through this.  They said thank you, and I hoped they were stronger for the challenge ahead.

I knew something real had happened, as I never forgot those moments, and I felt drained, like I had given a part of myself away.

I notice my Father talks about feeling drained a lot lately.  Perhaps he is giving of himself more than before.

He told me once, if a person could spend one day in God's presence, just how different they would be.  We got into a discussion about what was the least amount of time needed to spend in God's presenceto change a person.  One day became one hour.  One hour became one minute.  One minute became one second.  One second became the speed of thought - a "twinkling"...

Less than a breath, less than a look, just a glance, something so fast you cannot measure it...

That is all it takes to be changed....

How changed are we that have spent a lifetime with someone so close to God?

It is Saturday, my Father is home for now, and life is ALMOST normal...