I am awake...

We talked today.  We do a lot of that lately.
So here it is Saturday night, 11 pm, and as usual, I feel like the only one in the world still awake.

It has been a long haul, and now - you appear to be improving...

or are you just learning to compensate at the new "benchmark", the new level?

You say you are doing better, but my brother and I both noticed the far away look in your eyes in still there.

Am I faithless?

She came in while we were there...

I have never met anyone with more of an emotional vacuum in my life.  The joy, the happiness, the life of any moment seems to disappear upon her arrival.

And you try to disguise your situation with humor...

I am not sure I have ever seen her laugh.

Where will it end?

Will she be around?

For richer and poorer, for better or worse, in sickness and health...

Do these words matter?

Is she really going to be there for you?

You said your wife feels awkward because I have the medical power of attorney, while she is the one responsible for your medicine. You asked if I understand...

I said no.

How can I understand?  She said she never loved you, that she never will, the only reason she married you 10+ years ago was becuse she could not afford to live on her own.  I told you we are your family, and we are the ones that will care for you.

You are our father.

Please don't make this harder than it is...

Sometimes it feels like winter, and I can't remember the summer sun.

All I know is right now, and you can't seem to understand we are trying to help you.

I am tired...and the rest of the world is asleep while I watch out for you...