Okay, I know this is serious. I see it daily, I hear it all the time, especially when I try to talk with my Dad and he is really having a hard time comprehending things or finding a word.
By no means am I trying to be disrespectful, i just thought it was time to lighten up, laugh a little, remember the funny things.
There were a lot of funny times.
The time I held up the sign in the car, while we were traveling from Georgia to Texas for the Christmas holidays...The "sign", actually the back of a tablet, had the message, "Help, I have been kidnapped" written on it in large letters. I held it up as if I was drawing, until the Mississippi State Troopers pulled us over.
After a brief exchange with my father, the Army Sarge, I was summoned outside..."Donald (I knew I was in trouble when he used my full first name), get out here!"
After feigning innocence ("what, you mean THIS is on the back of my tablet???"), I was released to my father's discipline. A "spanking" (not really, I remember a terrible CIA torturous beating!) was administered - PUBLICLY, on the side of the road. I could have sworn I heard cheering from all the people that were subjected to one of my many pranks!
Needless to say, there were no more signs the rest of the way to Texas!
Oh, I got him back...the next time the dog decided she needed to stop, I just pretended to be asleep....unfortunately, it was REALLY hard to fake sleeping through the terrible smell that resulted from ignoring her whining! Of course my Dad was the one that stopped the car, and when the rest of us piled out gagging, he had to clean it up! Isn't that what Dads are for?
Now that I think about it...I was not exactly the greatest kid...my Dad must be a saint! I should have received more punishments than I actually had!
How about the time I talked with my friends in church, I was just old enough to sit by myself, and my father would get up, walk over to me, tap me on the shoulder, and make me follow him all the way around the back of the church, until I ended up next to him and my mother.
Well, that was just humiliating!
So, being the incredibly smart guy I thought I was, I devised a plan to stop this nonsense once and for all!
The next time he tapped me on the shoulder and signaled to come with him, I simply shook my head "NO" and stayed there! I mean, what are you going to do, this is church!
He motioned again, and again, I said "NO".
He looked at me, and said, "Come with me"...I said "NO"....
I noticed it was extremely quiet in the church...even the preacher was watching...I hear my older brother, many rows behind me whisper, "you idiot" (Remember The Wonder Years TV show?)...
My Dad stood up, looked at me, and said,"Wait until we get home."
And he walked back to his seat...alone.
I forgot that church ends eventually!
When I realized what I had done, I could not believe it...I had to agree with my older brother!
When church ended, my Dad went to the car and waited. I wanted to go somewhere else!
My brothers were arguing "over my stuff", after all, I was a dead man! Nobody could possibly survive this!
Embarrass my Dad in public - immediate death sentence!
All I can say is this - after our "discussion" and "application of truth" that afternoon, we NEVER experienced that in church again!
My father never even had to get up again! First of all, it was a LONG TIME until I was allowed to sit somewhere other than next to him! Second, when I did - I knew better than to misbehave!
My Dad did not raise a dummy, just an idiot!
Life goes on, we had a lot of funny times, some weren't funny until years later, but we laugh about them now...
It helps to laugh. I want to remember these things. I want to remember how my dad loved to laugh so much, and we inherited that joy of laughter. Loving to have fun...living life to the fullest...
I remember our last trip to Disney World, he wore shorts longer than his knees, tube socks to the knees, and tennis shoes, golf shirt. He looked like an old man trying to be a skater!
"Tell me Fashion Doctor, how long do I have? It is a genetic disorder, I am destined to nerdify sometime in the future!"
"Will I know when it happens? Or will I just drift away into old man land and never even know it?"
I have noticed symptoms lately...plaid shorts are looking better to me. The desire to wear black socks with my tennis shoes happens sometimes, but I control it.
It will be my little secret...nobody will know I am secretly pulling my pants up to my chest when alone, or I am waddling with that old man weeble like waddle when I think nobody is looking, Or that I complaining about the traffic under my breath when there are only 2 cars on the road!
Nobody will know.
I look in the mirror, I see my Dad, and I am so glad I did not have a child like me!
Sorry Dad - maybe Grandma was right...she always said I was just like you...much to your dismay, I think she may have told the truth!
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