Maybe it's not the end...

Things are different...

We are going through the motions of preparing for a funeral.

As I assemble pictures for a DVD to be played during the service, I learn so much more about my father.

Dear Dad,

I found pictures of you the other day.  It was funny, you were a young man, an old teen, and there you were - it was at least 1954, and you were stylishly dressed,  in front of your car, and what I can't figure out is...

Who were all the girls in the pictures? Each picture had a different girl!

Here I am, mourning you, and I find out you were quite the ladies man in your younger days!

What a great way to take away the tears!

I saw so many pictures, you as a young man in the Army, a young married man, a young father, your military years, the times in Viet Nam, your college years, and finally - the happiest years, the ones with your children and grandchildren.

So many smiles, so much laughter...it was really you.

It was good to see you again.

Tomorrow, we have the family visitation at the funeral home, and the next day is the funeral.

For some reason, it doesn't really feel like goodbye...but a celebration of YOU.

This will be a great gathering of family and friends, the people that love you and share memories of you, what a time of joy and laughter we will have!

I found the message you dictated in July, the one to be read after your death, and decided to put it in the leaflet we are distributing at your celebration.

You really did well...you prepared for the end, and allowed me to be a part of it.

I realized today what a special moment I had, to be with you and see you as you entered eternity,  How much God must love me and trust me to allow me to see your face as you saw the one that was taking you home.

It was good.

I struggled at first, did I do enough?  Could I have saved you?  Should I have tried to give you a lobe from my liver (if I matched) and try to force a transplant?

It is so easy to second guess ourselves when looking backwards. Hind sight...is it 20/20?

Not really, we just think it is.

You raised me.  You prepared me for the moments when I had to step in for you.
You knew what you would need, and you trained me to be that man.

It changed me.

I cannot stop being who you made me.

It's not the end...just a new beginning.